HAPPY 2020! I thought I should get all caught up while on vacation, fully aware that I’m a few days late with my New Year post. Hope you are all settling into the New Year with much anticipation and excitement for what’s to come. As for me, I am still living in my over-analyzing (horoscopes) and dreading (more changes) stage but hoping it dissipates as the weeks progress.
2019 was so kind to me in a way that was different from recent years. It presented me with numerous opportunities, all of which I willingly pursued. Most all were successful endeavors, positioning me for success in my career – a product of hard work and determination, as well as the best support system both at work and in my personal life. It was like Christine vs. the 24 Hour Day and guess who won?
Me, of course.
Sometimes, always winning makes you different. It changes your point of view; makes you hold yourself to a different, maybe even unrealistic standard. When The Year I Left released last summer, I thought I had the support of everyone I knew. And when it didn’t do too well (by CB standards), I felt abandoned by my fellow authors and readers, unsupported by the industry I’d grown up in for the past few years. 2019 taught me some harsh lessons about this industry and the friendships I’d formed within it. The direct impact of this humanity, is that Darwin’s theory of evolution, of survival of the fittest, not only exists in the corporate world. It exists everywhere we leave humans in charge of humans. I really should have known that!
What was entirely my doing, however, was the fact that I had lost my humility. Here I was, believing so much in what I’d done that I forgot how to place my fate in the hands of modesty. I completely overlooked my belief that every moment, every success, every favor and every opportunity is a gift.
In the end, I learned that instead of feeling like the industry was too good for me, instead of feeling like I wasn’t on par with everyone else, I should have looked at my accomplishments in my other, more prevalent life and said – man, I am good enough. Maybe just in another arena.
This post comes from a place of peace.
Because since then, I have learned to walk away from anything that doesn’t feel real or genuine to me.
2019 gave me those situations that taught me more about myself. Funny, but it was actually at a dinner with friends in November when it hit me – as I looked around the table amidst all the laughter and easy conversation, I realized I didn’t need to look any further – here were the faces of those whose love, loyalty and kindness have been with me all this time!
I have always believed that to live in this world, you must make an impact so deep and consuming that a person’s life must be better for it. I have that now, those little victories that have made living in this world so worthwhile. And I have no regrets about all that wasted time with those who didn’t deserve it. If you give selflessly, who cares what they do with it? Living in this world doesn’t mean being more guarded or loving less – it means managing your expectations – knowing that what you give, what you do, will find its place in the universe. And in due time, the universe will give it back to you. Not necessarily in the same shape or capacity – but in a form that counts when you need it most.
In 2020, I’ve made a conscious decision to:
- Stop Shopping – ha
- Wear the purses I have more than once. Or twice.
- Not gain back the 15 pounds I lost
I thought I’d break up the seriousness of this post a little bit. I am kidding, you know that, right?
But truly – I’d like to keep 2020 focused on the true friends I’ve made and the career I’ve built for the past twenty years. I may not be on social media half as much as I used to be – I may have pulled away from fake friends, one sided friendships and dishonest people. But at the same time, I will be cultivating these friendships somewhere else (my Butterflies), and I will be killing it in some other aspect of my life. No matter what happens, where we go or where we end up this coming year, know that you have all taught me a lesson I’ll never ever forget.
Here’s hoping your 2020 is grounded in truth and love and that you get that wonderful, once in a lifetime chance to impact somebody else’s life. When this year is over, I want to hear all about it!