As I write this, I think my life has somewhat gotten back to normal. I’ve been trying to regain my sight on the important facets of my life. For the most part, it’s been really great. Walking away from distractions and negative energies has been something that I wished I had done sooner!
The announcement about optioning In This Life for Film and TV has been made. I didn’t sell more books, but I’m still over the moon about it. Yesterday, I received a call inquiring about rights to the book and I still think I made the right decision to give it to someone as passionate about the story as I am.
I’ve taken some work trips and have settled back into a larger role at the office. I’m focused, so engaged, back to my A game again. It’s been a lot of fun working with the best team you can ever ask for. Times are tough for us these days, we’re doing more work with a lot less people. But there’s no shortage of laughter and camaraderie on my floor. And we’re still stocking and restocking our beer and Moscato fridge for our 4pm status meetings. I still miss my work friend, you know, the one who left our company a few months ago. But now I’ve shifted to just venting with her over text.
“So and so, is driving me nuts.”
“Refresh my memory, why did we decide to do this again?”
“Do you remember enhancement number XXX, why did I make that decision?”
At home, I still show up a little late for Parent Teacher meetings and mess up one or two Lacrosse game schedules, but my son is ecstatic that I take the early train home and that the crazy mom running into the gym with high heels and sunglasses is me.
I’m the perfect example of imperfection. I’m struggling still, trying to get over the more complicated parts of this process.
Cold turkey is a turkey.
I’ve relapsed a few times but am still decided to get on it. I am eating healthier, going to the gym and cutting down on the gummy bears. There was one day when my heart felt like it had disappeared. I could literally feel air running through a hollow hole in my chest. I picked up the phone and called….. and when that person didn’t answer, I left a rambling voicemail with apologies, professions, tears. People need to be able to process their anger and grief on their own. I needed my time and it’s really unfair for me to expect others to have the same timeline as I do. And so, I’m willing to wait. Because I’ll always miss that friendship.
Every single time something happens to throw me out of sorts, I remind myself about all the wonderful things that I’ve been blessed with. Who cares if your circle of true friends is smaller, or if you still toss and turn at night, or if you see something out of the blue that makes you cry, or if you sneak one here and there.
Reinventing yourself, changing our way of life takes time. Give yourself the breaks that you need. After all, the only one accountable for this, is YOU.
Besides, if I wasn’t this crazy, I don’t think you’d all be following me.